I have a toddler. And I enjoy getting things done around my house. We have a TV. Which is a solution to my kid being up my butt when I’m wielding a knife or using the bathroom. Or eating something I don’t want to share. And sometimes we just watch TV together, it makes me wonder how many drugs you have to be on to write kid’s shows/how stupid the writers at kid shows think children are.
Bubble Guppies… Where do I begin… We love Bubble Guppies in Casa de Krista, it’s adorable, has catchy tunes and great lessons. However, there are some serious questions raised by this show. So they are underwater but going to a beach, that is also underwater? How is there a fire underwater? Why do the lobsters not wear pants? Are the tiny gold-fish supposed to be little kids? Why are there goldfish in what I assume is salt water? How are there birds and chickens underwater? Where are the parents? Why do all the “monsters” cry like little bitches?
Also I figured out what Mr. Grouper is to all of the Guppies… Wait for it… He is their father. All of them. He impregnated human women and thus created bubble guppies… It makes as much sense as the rest of the show.
Sofia the First- I think this show is really cute, and empowering to girls. But I have some issues. All the other princesses are bitches. I hate them. And are they supposed to be modern princesses? Or way back in the day? Unclear.
I was most pissed during the movie when Cinderella shows up and they sing about being true sisters to their bitchy step sisters. And I’m like yo, hold up Cindy, they messed up. Why would you go out of your way to be a true sister? And Sofia? Amber is the reason you got the sleeping potion from Cedric. She isn’t a good friend. Or sister.
Dora- No seriously. Where are your parents? And why does the monkey wear boots. This is actually one show I’m able to completely tune out, the little girl I used to babysit when I was a teenager was obsessed with it, and I’ve been able to tune it out since I was about 15.
Diego- It took me like a month to realize that this was a knock off of Dora. And the rescue pack song annoys me.
Wonder Pets- Why does the duck have a speech impediment? I shut it off every time it comes on. I seriously love baby ducks and want to squish them and love them, but this one duck… Annoying, and I don’t know why. And it’s not the speech impediment. The duck has a bad attitude and I’m not a fan.
Caillou- Stop. Most annoying bald preschooler… Ever.
Yo Gabba Gabba- Sometimes you can see DJ Lance’s wiener, and true story, a friend of mine saw them over the weekend and got a picture with DJ Lance and the piece-de-resistance is the wang. Also, the don’t bite your friend’s song is something I often find myself singing. It’s good life advice. The “monster” or creatures or whatever are kind of weird, although they do encourage healthy eating. The show is like crack too, they know what they are doing. I don’t know any young child who isn’t mesmerized by this stuff.
And there you have it, my thoughts on children’s TV shows.
What have we learned today? That I hate winter and need to get the eff out of my house.