I have a toddler. And I enjoy getting things done around my house. We have a TV. Which is a solution to my kid being up my butt when I’m wielding a knife or using the bathroom. Or eating something I don’t want to share. And sometimes we just watch TV together, it makes me wonder how many drugs you have to be on to write kid’s shows/how stupid the writers at kid shows think children are.
Bubble Guppies… Where do I begin… We love Bubble Guppies in Casa de Krista, it’s adorable, has catchy tunes and great lessons. However, there are some serious questions raised by this show. So they are underwater but going to a beach, that is also underwater? How is there a fire underwater? Why do the lobsters not wear pants? Are the tiny gold-fish supposed to be little kids? Why are there goldfish in what I assume is salt water? How are there birds and chickens underwater? Where are the parents? Why do all the “monsters” cry like little bitches?
Also I figured out what Mr. Grouper is to all of the Guppies… Wait for it… He is their father. All of them. He impregnated human women and thus created bubble guppies… It makes as much sense as the rest of the show.
source- Nickolodeon
Sofia the First- I think this show is really cute, and empowering to girls. But I have some issues. All the other princesses are bitches. I hate them. And are they supposed to be modern princesses? Or way back in the day? Unclear.
I was most pissed during the movie when Cinderella shows up and they sing about being true sisters to their bitchy step sisters. And I’m like yo, hold up Cindy, they messed up. Why would you go out of your way to be a true sister? And Sofia? Amber is the reason you got the sleeping potion from Cedric. She isn’t a good friend. Or sister.
Dora- No seriously. Where are your parents? And why does the monkey wear boots. This is actually one show I’m able to completely tune out, the little girl I used to babysit when I was a teenager was obsessed with it, and I’ve been able to tune it out since I was about 15.
Diego- It took me like a month to realize that this was a knock off of Dora. And the rescue pack song annoys me.
source- Nickolodeon
Wonder Pets- Why does the duck have a speech impediment? I shut it off every time it comes on. I seriously love baby ducks and want to squish them and love them, but this one duck… Annoying, and I don’t know why. And it’s not the speech impediment. The duck has a bad attitude and I’m not a fan.
Caillou- Stop. Most annoying bald preschooler… Ever.
Yo Gabba Gabba- Sometimes you can see DJ Lance’s wiener, and true story, a friend of mine saw them over the weekend and got a picture with DJ Lance and the piece-de-resistance is the wang. Also, the don’t bite your friend’s song is something I often find myself singing. It’s good life advice. The “monster” or creatures or whatever are kind of weird, although they do encourage healthy eating. The show is like crack too, they know what they are doing. I don’t know any young child who isn’t mesmerized by this stuff.
I don’t even know who to credit for this but let’s just say… it’s not mine.
And there you have it, my thoughts on children’s TV shows.
What have we learned today? That I hate winter and need to get the eff out of my house.
Seriously. I HATE Caillou. First. You can’t even spell his name right because it’s some weird ass name. Second, he’s bald. What the hell is wrong with him? Third, he’s a brat. Fourth, Why is his poor mom so frumpy?
I also dislike Max and Ruby. Where are their parents??? Why hasn’t Ruby beat the shit out of Max like true siblings do???
But I love Yo Gabba Gabba. So I can get on board that one.
Caillou is the worst. His mother needs to be on what not to wear.
Max and Ruby are bunnies… I bet I can guess where their parents are!
Hahahahaha. Right there with you on Bubble Guppies. My mother-in-law laughs at me because I get so worked up with the ridiculousness of it. Blue’s Clues also bothers me: how old is Joe/Steve supposed to be? Where are his parents? Why can they understand Blue sometimes but then have to play effing Blue’s Clues to figure out other times. My husband just thinks Blue is a selfish b*tch lol.
Joe and Steve I think are supposed to be really young adults. If I remember right, Joe is right out of college? I don’t really care, he’s way hotter than Steve.
(lmao) this post is too funny! I’m subscribing*
thanks!
I hate Dora and Caillou, but darn, I can watch Yo Gabba Gabba all day long. Have you seen Timmy Time? That’s my new favorite show!
I saw it on my guide, is it really good? We might try it!
I love this post. I hate Caillou and Spongebob with a passion. Aubrey LOVES Sofia (aka Fia in my house) and to be honest, I actually like it too. Aubrey even sings the True Sister song… I think that’s the worst song so far. Gaspard and Lisa, Handy Manny and Charlie and Lola are some of Aubrey’s favorites too.
Spongebob. I just can’t even. My grandfather is Bob and when the show came out he tried to get all of his grandkids to call him Spongebob instead of Papa. So random.
Karina calls her a-fia!!! I am not a fan of anything in the troll episode. They remind me of aliens and I’m not a fan.
Don’t forget the Backyardigans – that’s a big favourite over here. And Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I find myself not always pausing the Backyardigans if Q gets distracted but as soon as attention wanes from Blue’s Clues or Busy Town off the TV goes!
WHY IS UNIQUA NOT AN ANIMAL. Drives me insane.
Sofia is the WORST. I don’t even want Eva to see the commercials. Why are little girls obsessed with being princesses? So annoying.
As far as princesses go, Sofia is actually really cute, she is very sweet and kind, and is actually a village girl who’s mother marries a king. But the stepsister is a bitch.
omg. HI-LA-RIOUS.
Seriously. Fortunately we’re past most of these shows now, so there is hope. But we love Sofia here. Even if her sister is a beyotch.
Thanks for the morning chuckles. I feel you. I think I WAS you a few years ago.
Thanks!
Sofia is really cute. I hope the sister gets clocked and it makes her act nicer.
Or that Bailywick schools her on how to be nicer. Tim Gunn, get on it.